Going Too Far
Back to top Back to main Skip to menuNo doubt some of you are aware of a number of recent bans resulting from an incident of personal abuse. Abuse is never a good thing, no matter where it is delivered, by whom, and for what reason. There is just no justification for it.
Despite that, I encountered some of you who glorify what the people we banned and failed to ban did. You distribute the offensive material they spread through the community, you give them props for outing someone, simply said - you have fun with it.
And it is about time you had a good look at what exactly it is you are supporting, condoning, or encouraging. What happened here is not "outing" someone who did something wrong. It is an instance of the grossest form of abuse you can commit online because it is aimed at the person's dignity, private life, family life, and community presence.
Some forms of abuse are predominantly committed by groups of young men. Aggression is often a defining characteristic of manhood in the group and is significantly related to the wish to be held in high esteem. The resulting assault is often viewed by the men involved, and sometimes by others too, as legitimate, in that it is seen to discourage or punish perceived immoral behavior among women. For this reason, it may not be equated by the perpetrators with the idea of a crime.
That, my friends, is not something I wrote. That is a quote from an article on rape. Go ahead, read it again. It describes to a T what happened during this incident. A group of your peers abused a woman and used her private behavior as an excuse for their aggression. Do you still think it's funny? They abused their power as a group to do serious damage to someone's reputation, caused the person anguish, threatened to involve the person's family. Are you still proud of supporting them?
"Victim blaming" is holding the victim of a crime to be in whole or in part responsible for the crime. In the context of this type of assault, this concept refers to popular attitudes that certain victim behaviours may encourage this type of assault. In extreme cases, victims are said to have "asked for it", simply by not behaving demurely.
Most of the people I know in this game are decent folk. You would never condone physical violence against a woman. Most of you guys are perfect gentlemen, flirty, sweet, sometimes a little obnoxious. So why on earth do you accept the "she deserved it" excuse when they abuse someone in a community you frequent on a daily basis?
At the end it could all be dismissed as boys being boys, maybe. Like hell it could. I got another quote for you. Again, it is from an article on rape.
Power, control and anger are the primary motives. Gratification comes from gaining power and control and discharging anger. This gratification is only temporary, so the perpetrator seeks another victim.
What happened was not boys being boys. It was vicious, premeditated, and it wasn't an isolated incident. I cannot speak on the motivation for the first wave of abuse since I was only involved in the aftermath. But the truth is this group of people really did not stop with one incident. When the rush of the assault faded, they turned their attention to another female playing this game. This time they went as far as to involve the person's family and friends in their attempt, including a very young child. Their motivation, as they have said, was revenge for involvement in the first incident.
If you think they will stop now, you are wrong. They're experiencing a rush of power at the moment, but that gratification will subside and they will need a new target. If they cannot find a woman playing this game, they will find a guy. Because this is not about gender, just like rape is not about sex. This is about exercising power, about humiliating, debasing, and hurting their victim. They already picked two. They are likely to pick another if you continue to excuse, condone, or support their behavior.
Whatever you take from this depends on you. I cannot persuade you discontinue admiring them any more than I can persuade them to stop. But you would never tolerate something like this in real life. Why on earth do you tolerate it here? We all spend a significant amount of time in this community, playing, hanging out, shooting bull. Why would we be willing to taint the experience by supporting the likes of this conduct?
Note: The intention of this post was in no way to diminish rape. Its sole intention was to point out that excessively abusive online behavior was analogous with this horrible real life crime. I apologize to anyone who may think the analogy inappropriate but I stand behind the comparison as the cyber bullying that occurred in this community was similarly abusive and aggressive.