Listen, I know what it's like to live with depression. Been living with it since I was 10 years old. I'm 16 now, so it's been 6 years. I suppose this is a different reason from you though, because, mine was just because of puberty.
I developed my mind and my maturity alot earlier than I was supposed to and I could not get my correct thoughts into actions which led me to hate myself. I did things I'm not proud of and had to pass through hell. There were even times where I didn't think I'd have a future. I still live with this condition. I basically have a problem on which I have to skip school. I just have to. I get so anxious and everything that I get panic attacks everytime I remember myself of that bunch of immature sly bastards they call "my friends". Anyway, court got envolved, and sooner or later they will be forcing me real hard to get to school. I've heard it 1000 times though "you need to go to school if you want a future. if you want to get a job blabla.." and basically I don't really care. I never had a childhood eventhough I had everything I could ever ask for. That did not necessarily mean that I was always happy. It was 6 years in a row without having 1 day where I was happy. I had absolutely nothing. No friends, no family to care about me, no girlfriend, nothing. I had to live on my own and sometimes I even had to search for stories like my own on the internet to make me feel that I wasn't alone. It's really a bummer when this happens. Anyway, at the moment as i've said i'm 16, and yeah, i'm still skipping schol eventhough I'm recovering from everything, I do have a normal life atm and i'm happy I didn't do anything I would regret in those years. Just remember, you can chose the life you want to have, but you cannot change the rules. I would have had so much pottential to become a real someone one day, and this is going to leave a mark for the rest of my life. But it's not like I can change it, i'm living for the moment.
Psychological disorders are really underrated. People cannot and will not understand unless they've been there themselves. I even hate to say it's a disorder. It makes us look like we're mental people, even though we're not. People that suffer from depressions are actually the most sentimental kind of people, the ones with a true heart. Because they've got a conscience. So yeah, you've got alot to take pride on, especially on who you are. You have a great personality and you just have to wait and see. I just promise things will get better.
Keep it strong and a hug to you bro, I hope you get better soon and I hope to see you in a few years if i'm still around
